The Bad Mother's Handbook and Julia Challenges Me

So I finished reading The Bad Mother's Handbook by Kate Long; cute and has some great moments. Not as hilarious as the title's premise might suggest, but still... three generations of women in one house, all of them sort of trying to figure out their lives... not bad. The worse thing about it is that each of the women acts as narrator at times and that means that figuring out who is "speaking" can be a challenge. I find that distracting. It's also by a British author and the characters are Brits, so that's also a bit of a challenge sometimes if you, like me, are unfamiliar with Britisher slang.

This book isn't going to have a permanent home with me; either it will be donated to the big Northfield used book sale that we have here every April (which benefits the local hospital) or I will pawn it off on a friend.

But anyway. Finished a book, moved another book onto the Shelf of Ten and on we go.

Julia, my energetic 9 year old, has been pining to go to our public library lately, and I'm planning to take her tonight. She is required to read books off of a Maud Hart Lovelace list that her teacher gave her - and J's goal is to read 8 of these books by March 14. We'd better get to the library, stat....

I showed J my Shelf of Ten, and she and I cooked up a plan for me to also read 8 of the books by March 14. I'm in, but did I mention that a lot of these books are really, really long? I'm currently into Stephen King's new book, 11/22/63, which is over 800 pages long. I have Kim Stanley Robinson's Red Mars on my Shelf right now... that one must have 500 pages. And the new Diana Gabaldon, The Scottish Prisoner, which will likely have great moments (swoon-worthy Jamie is in it, not just interesting-but-gay-so-somehow-less-interesting-in-a-romance-series Lord John), but sometimes her focus on historical detail takes time to absorb. Added to all this is the fact that I actually start a new job on Feb. 15, in a different city, and orientation will be full time.

But... I agreed to the challenge and I'm weirdly excited about it. Julia wants Austin to participate, too, and he seemed willing (it's a little difficult to know just what he is reading, since half the time he's using a Kindle at this point, but whatever). Julia did not want to invite Alex, which is just silly brother-sister stuff I'm sure, but it's not like Alex needs the motivation anyway. Alex is more interested in reading than in eating. (Alex is more interested in almost everything than in eating, but nevermind.)

So. The gauntlet has been thrown down... and I'm in. We'll see how far this takes me.

Oh Hello, Blog. You're Not Dead Yet? a.k.a. Shelf of Ten

No, my blog isn't dead. I've just been super busy with my Real Life for the past few months - giving vaccinations and trying to not starve to death or let my family starve to death and executing the necessary holidays that everyone expects (because we all know that the world will end if I don't send the right number of Christmas cards or whatever). So my writing time has been limited and I haven't been reading nearly as much as I should. My most utilized recreational activity has actually been working New York Times crossword puzzles (another obsession) lately.

But here I am, back at this blog, administering Blog-CPR and doses of epinephrine and atropine and whatever else I'm supposed to remember from that ACLS class I took last May.

So. Where am I? Well... I actually acquired four or five books for myself (yes, I said I wouldn't, but hey at least some of them were gifts!), so I'm probably not moving in the right direction in that regard. AND the last book I read was actually a re-read (the fourth in Stephen King's Dark Tower series; Wizard and Glass... which wasn't as astonishingly awesome as I remember it being, but it's still my favorite in that series up to that point). So no progress on that front, either.

But new hope has arrived somehow, as it always does, and I have a new scheme to get reading the giant stash of books in my home (and get rid of many along the way). I was reading my Twitter feed (yes, I know, shut up) and one of the many people I follow is Joe Hill. Hill is an entertaining writer (check out his Locke and Key graphic novels, stat) and he is also quite funny, so his Twitter feed is often full of good thoughts and ideas. And the Shelf of Ten is an idea I stole from him.

What is the Shelf of Ten? Essentially it is a shelf you can create in your home that contains only the next ten books you plan to read. The idea is to read them in the order you choose, but not to deviate from reading them. I take that to mean I can still read other books simultaneously (as if anyone could stop me anyway), but I'm willing to commit to reading these ten books, in order. And it's weirdly fun to choose them and make a little shelf, and I have to say that I get enthusiastic all over again every time I see my "shelf" (really a section of the floor next to a bookshelf in my bedroom, but nevermind).

So this is my current plan and I'll see where it takes me. The first book I'm tearing through is a weird one, The Bad Mother's Handbook by Kate Long. It was one the free book exchange shelf at the clinic I'd been working at and I couldn't resist that title. It's not what I expected it to be (sadly, it turns out that it is a work of fiction), but it's not bad. Happily, it's also not good enough that I'm going to feel the need to keep it on my bookshelf forever, either.

Okay, that's the update. Hopefully that's enough chest compressions and epi for this blog to last a few weeks.

Terrible Books That Need to Go... But Where?

Somehow it has gotten to be September already, and so obviously it's time for another blog entry. It took me forever to finish reading Catherine Coulter's masterpiece of idiocy, The Hellion Bride, but I finally have done so. This is the kind of book that I need to get out of my house, but where to go with it is a bit of a mystery. Yes, it really is that bad.

The first half of the book is bad, but the negative aspects of it are often humorous. The romantic hero, Ryder Sherbrooke (no, I'm not making that name up), is sort of fun, and determined to figure out what is going on with romantic heroine Sophia Stanton-Grenville. The year is 1803, it is a very hot summer, and Sophia is known as the whore of Jamaica, because she is alleged to have three lovers and everyone on the island knows it.

Sophia is actually a 19 year old virgin, being oppressed and beaten by her malicious uncle, who has ruined her reputation as well for his own nefarious purposes. Ryder is predictably intrigued when he meets Sophia.

Actually, that's not a bad start to a story, and parts of it might have worked if Coulter's writing wasn't so hilariously dumb sometimes. Perhaps my favorite passage (and when I write "favorite," I mean "the one that made me laugh the hardest") is as follows:

Ryder hated to brood. He'd done very little of it in his life for the very simple reason that he'd never felt the need to take himself apart from his fellow man and commit himself to brooding. It had always seemed to him to be a singularly boring way to pass the time. But now he felt the need and it was sharp and deep inside him. It was also unexpected and unwelcome and made him uncomfortable; nor did he particularly know how to do it properly. (p. 169)

I'm not even sure where to start with how absurd that passage is - it's both badly written and ridiculous in every way. It did make me chuckle, though, and it made me think - hey, maybe someone, somewhere should be offering classes in how to brood properly. Maybe there is money to be made here!

If this book had just stayed hilariously stupid, I would just donate it to next year's used book sale and not think much about it. But unfortunately the second half of the book evolves into being offensively stupid and it ceases being funny. Ryder somehow finds himself obligated to marry Sophia, which isn't a terrible romance set-up (it worked very well for Jamie and Claire in Outlander), but Coulter writes the absolute worst story for these characters that I can think of short of making them both into some kind of sociopathic killers.

First of all, Ryder leads Sophia to believe that he has taken her virginity while she was under the influence of a drug and he does not communicate with her that this is not the case. So already this is problematic. Worse, in the context of the story Sophia is terrified of sex, and Ryder's solution to this is basically to force himself on her every night until she likes it. Yes, this is a book that tries to make marital rape sexy.

Not only that, but (and maybe this is trivial), Ryder does something to Sophia that made me shriek "okay, so that's going to be an instant yeast infection!" to myself. And in 1803 I don't know what one would have done about that. But it freaked me out.

This is a romance novel, so of course everything eventually works out for Ryder and Sophia, but not before a lot of scenes that either made me angry or made my eyes roll out of exasperation.

I'm not a person who approves of censorship in any way, but this isn't the kind of book that I would want passed on to, well... anyone. It's just that terrible and offensive. And I would hate to think that young romance readers would get the idea that Ryder's tactics with Sophia would work.

So... do I toss it in the recycling bin or what? I'm still not sure. But I want to get it out of my house soon, because it is very possibly the most magically stupid book that I've ever read.

August 2011, Progress (Or Lack Thereof)

How did it get to be August already? This summer has simultaneously flown and crawled by; while I can't believe it's actually August, every day does have a dragging quality to it. This is typical for me for summer these days.

As a child, I loved summer. I could read whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and when that wasn't going on I had the television and the Country Club swimming pool (complete with a somewhat creepy salamander population, but it was what it was). I was a self-entertaining child. I could make a project out of anything, and I still have notebooks full of recipes I copied by hand or cut out of my mother's Good Housekeeping magazines. Those magazines kept me fairly entertained with their weird stories, too, especially the medical ones. I remember reading one that was titled something like, "My Body Was Rusting!" I mean, who could resist that?

My son, Alex, is like me in this regard; he will sit and read all day, or play video games, or watch television, and if I take him to the pool or for a bike ride, he's pleased, too. My daughter, Julia, though, is another story. She's a hyper extrovert and she has enough energy for ten children. Actually, I suspect she might have enough energy to light up the entire Eastern seaboard, but I haven't figured out how to make that happen. No matter what we do, it's never enough, and she's just exhausting to be with constantly. I love her so much, but there's no way can I keep up with her. Our personalities clash somewhat, and she just overwhelms me. So having her constantly in my care is part of why I haven't gotten a ton of reading or blog writing about books done lately.

But I have done a bit of reading, my project isn't totally dead. Maybe it's on life support, but I have hopes of a complete recovery.

Here's what I've managed this summer:

1. I re-read the first Hunger Games book by Suzanne Collins in early June. So, so great.

2. Finished Julia Gillian (and the Quest for Joy). Good.

3. Finished reading Stephen Clarke's A Year in the Merde. This was a library book that I requested after a friend suggested that it might be a fun read. It was, but I didn't totally love it. And it didn't help with my Read These Books In My House project. Fie!

4. Finally, read the second volume in Joe Hill's Locke and Key graphic novel series, Head Games. This series is so fantastic and creepy, and the concept is just brilliant. The artwork is great. I can't wait to read the third volume, but I have to wait because Austin owns these books, they were gifts from me, and he's sort of pacing out his reading of them. (*taps foot impatiently in direction of husband*). In some ways, this book shouldn't count for my "read 100 books here before I buy myself another one" project, because I did buy this one for Austin for some holiday - maybe Christmas. But... I'm counting it.

Now I'm on to really starting Hellion Bride by Catherine Coulter, definitely a title that will be read and disposed of, I suspect. I'm only a few pages into it, and so far it's nothing like what I expected. It's a period romance set in the West Indies, and the language is more complicated than the title would suggest it would be. I'm curious to see where it's leading anyway.

And that's it for now. More reading, more blogging to come.

I Share A Poem

Not everyone knows that I am a writer of poems, usually of the terrible variety. In late high school and much of college, I wrote many. This was an ongoing effort to express emotions (often a combination of hurt and absolute rage), so what appears on those pages is not something I share. Much of it is not only bad, it's frightening. A few are better than others, but still not something I'm apt to let most people read unless they are very much in my inner circle.

During my final semester of college I had finished my biology major and was close to wrapping up my women's studies major. I had time and inclination in my schedule to not only spend many hours in the dance studio (I often wished that I could have majored in dance), but also to take a creative writing class. Jim Heynen, a phenomenon writing instructor, would sometimes give us cues in class for ideas for poems. The following poem (one of the few that I am actually willing to share publicly) came out of that.


My Mother's Voice

Cats carry disease. If you get one I
won't come visit you. They're sneaky.
When you have children you should stay home with them -
at least until they're old enough to go to school.
You seem thin - are you sure you're well?
It's that goofy diet of yours. Are you sure you're getting enough iron?
You could stand to lose
five pounds.
You should have your children early
and then
have your ovaries removed.
No man would want to marry
someone who acts like you.
Drive carefully.
Of course you can both stay in the house while we're gone.
Just make sure you sleep in separate rooms.
Your uncle's very sick, but I don't think you're supposed to know.
Do lesbians have periods?
My family never talked about cancer, even when my mother was sick.
No one talked about sex. I found out from
my little sister.
Those clothes aren't very feminine.
Madonna is a bad influence
on the young people of America.
Don't you want to look nice?
I wish you were back with those nice girls at St. Mary's.
Women are less stable than men because women have periods.
Why don't you get your hair cut?
You're good for our family - if you weren't here
we'd never think
about these things.
You write mean things about me in your journal,
don't you?
When I'm dead, you'll regret it!

MishMash Plus Gone With the Wind

Reading (or not reading?) continues apace at my house. I finally finished a juvenile lit. book today called Julia Gillian (and the Quest for Joy) by Alison McGhee. This is the second book in the Julia Gillian series, and it's cute, with a good message... but not particularly compelling. My daughter Julia enjoyed hearing it read aloud (by Austin) more than I enjoyed reading it to myself, I suspect. I do enjoy the fact that the setting is Minneapolis and that the grade school kids in the book go to "Lake Harriet Elementary" (is there such a school? I have no idea!).

Possibly the most compelling part of the story is the odd names that Julia Gillian's grade school compatriots have. Are there a lot of kids named Bonwit, Lathrop and Cerise running around in Minneapolis? I'm not judging here; it just seems awfully unlikely.

So there's another book down on the way to one hundred; then I can buy another book. I've knocked out all of fourteen so far. Sigh.

The next book on my read it pile is titled (wait for it) Hellion Bride. It's a romance novel by Catherine Coulter that I believe I picked up for free. Of course I can't just let it go and get rid of it; it must be read first! Even if the title is completely absurd. (And really, even Hellion Bride can't compete with the bodice ripper title I recently spotted at the public library; The Earl Claims his Wife. And yes, I restrained myself and at least didn't bring that one home...)

The other book news I have is that I'm slowly reading The Voyages of Doctor Doolittle by Hugh Lofting out loud to Julia. It's fairly absurd, but she seems to be enjoying it. My personal favorite part has been hearing about Dr. Doolittle's efforts to learn to speak to clams.

In the world of books, this last week was the 75th anniversary of the publication of Margaret Mitchell's Gone with the Wind. I have really mixed feelings about the novel; it's hard not to be swept up in the Rhett/Scarlett romance (or the fact that Scarlett is so stubborn and clueless about just what her feelings are for pretty much the entire story)... while at the same time, the content of the book moves between mildly and blatantly racist. I've read through it twice, the second time a few years ago. I found myself totally pulled into the scene where Rhett proposes to Scarlett... and then horrified just seconds later by the use of the "n" word along with content that I've deliberately forgotten.

The novel and the movie are an oddity, I think. I have equal measures of love and hate for the story; how can such beautifully drawn characters - characters that I actually do love - be so awful? Yes, it was written a long time ago and in a place (the South) that sentimentalizes aspects of the Civil War. But it's still hard for me to reconcile the story I love with the fact that so many of the characters I love think it's just fine to own a person.

I own a copy of the film and I do watch it occasionally. Austin declines; he famously watched it with me once and somehow didn't realize it wasn't going to "end right." (Yes, I married a man who majored in English who didn't know what the end of Gone with the Wind was before we watched it together.) For myself, I love the costuming, acting, scenery... and many of the scenes. Yes, I feel uncomfortable with the scene where Rhett sweeps Scarlett off to the bedroom... but I prefer the implication that she's being swept off to the bedroom willingly to the notion that it's a marital rape happening off camera.

Any scene where Rhett is enjoying Scarlett's spirit and encouraging her to act in a way that will not be viewed as proper is fantastic. In particular I love how he gets his way and is able to dance with her despite her recent widowhood. I like it when he tells her that she needs kissing, and badly, and by someone who know how (swoon!). But my favorite is, of course, when he leaves her to finally become a soldier, despite knowing the South's cause is lost... but not before declaring that he loves Scarlett and swoops her into an embrace.

I know there is a whole book out there about Rhett called Rhett Butler's People. I am sure that, at some point, I will read it, if only to see if it offers any insight on one of my burning questions (namely is Belle Watling in love with Rhett, and is the child that she refers to having his child). But I hesitate a bit, because, even though I have mixed emotions about Gone with the Wind, it's a story that I grew up with and it does have so much in it that I love. Somehow it seems wrong to try to add to that.

A Few Favorite Books EVAH (a.k.a. Books I Wish I Could Read Again for the First Time)

Spring fever has hit my kids hard and it's gotten me, too. While I can normally read almost anything, no matter how painfully it is written (yes, Austin, I'm aware that there is a major exception here, you can just be quiet about that), lately it's like whatever I try to read, the words just slide away. I've been suffering a bit of a writing block as well - reviews, poems and the terrible romance novel I sometimes pick away at... it doesn't matter what it is, it's just not progressing well. Or, in some cases, at all.

Reading and writing have always been my safe place to go to no matter what the world throws at me. It's frustrating when it feels like it just isn't working. Thankfully there are a few books that I can always turn to.

My all-time favorite is Stephen King's The Stand. I fell in love with the original published version when I was in high school, and I was beyond thrilled when King released an unabridged version during the spring of my senior year. I got some fabulous graduation gifts; the unabridged version of my favorite book was one of them. I bought the book with my own money, but it was a gift just the same.

The book features a tremendous cast of characters, some romantic entanglements, and - my favorite thing - an apocalyptic theme. When I'm feeling sick or just blue, there's something oddly comforting about reading a book in which more than 99 percent of the world's population dies horribly of the flu. I love the book's overall themes, and I love the characters. I'm always happy to go back for a visit with Frannie Goldsmith and Stu Redman, Mother Abigail and the Walking Dude, Harold and Nick and Glenn.

More recently, I have been loving Suzanne Collins' Hunger Games trilogy. It's been years since I've fallen so completely into a book that I totally forgot the world existed, but it happened the first time I read this series. This is critical for me; at least for a few books worth of time, I felt like I had found the door to Narnia again.

The Hunger Games features a futuristic dystopia in which North America has become a country called Panem. Panem is made up of twelve districts and the Capitol; the districts lost a destructive war and now the tyrannical government forces each district to sacrifice two children a year in remembrance. It's not as simple as just putting the children to death, though. Instead the twenty-four competitors face off in an elaborate arena. They must kill or be killed; only one may win and live.

Collins does a nice job with her other books (The Underland Chronicles - young adult/fantasy), but The Hunger Games far outshines her other series. All three books in the trilogy are compelling, but the first book is the best; I found it nearly impossible to put down the first time through. I'm moving through it a bit more slowing the second time around, savoring the interaction between heroine Katniss Everdeen and the boy from her district - and competitor in the arena, Peeta Mellark. The minor characters are also excellent. Now that casting for the film version is underway, I'm even more excited to see Haymitch and Effie Trinket come to life on the big screen. I would be surprised if it matches my expectations, but I do expect to at least enjoy it.

A final book for today's list is Diana Gabaldon's Outlander. It is true that, while I sometimes attempt to write romance stories, I'm not a huge fan of the genre. A lot of romance is beyond trite, and it's often humorless and stupid to boot. Not so with Gabaldon's brilliant series. Outlander (and it's many sequels) combines romance with time travel and history. It doesn't hurt that one of the main characters, Claire, is a nurse. Or at least she is in the first book... certainly Claire evolves a lot during the course of the books.

Gabaldon is not a typical romance writer; the woman has a Ph.D in some scientific discipline (I can never remember if it's marine biology or ecology or what), and she uses her research skills to create a story that is as historically accurate as possible. At times this is problematic. Certainly women were property of men in Scotland in the 1750s, and sometimes (probably often) they were legally beaten by their husbands. Later in the series slavery in America becomes an issue that Claire must contend with. Gabaldon is skillful with these issues, but I confess that - at least with the beating scene - I felt a bit uncomfortable.

The center of the series is the relationship between Claire Beachamp and Jamie Fraser, and it's very difficult to not fall in love with both of them and their story. They don't fall in love in a typical way, but it happens, although Claire also must contend with the ghost of her husband, Frank, who she can no longer reach. It's all rather brilliantly done, and (forgive me for being crass, dear readers) that includes the sex scenes. There's also humor, atmosphere, adventure and history. I've never recommended this book to anyone without having them come back and tell me how much they love it. Ever. I'm grateful that Gabaldon has continued this story for many more (very long) books, and that there is yet more to come.

And... that's it for now. A few books I dearly, dearly love. Check 'em out if you haven't already.